Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
