You work out of a Hotel?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
