I need to stop coming to work sober
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
