Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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