i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
