goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
