we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
