so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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