Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
pop tarts are not kleenex
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
