and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
be right there i have to get my cape
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
