i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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