you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
