How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
