My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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