Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
