i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
