We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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