We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
