I heard we made out
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
