I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
