He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
someone threw a dead crab at me
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
