It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
