just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
These tits shall not be calmed
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
