i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
