she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
