I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
