ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
