Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
