PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
