I want to have your abortion
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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