you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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