Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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