I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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