how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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