I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
