what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
