do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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