youre lurking in front of me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
