This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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