just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
