i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
