I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
