I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
