you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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