Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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