oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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