it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
