FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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