Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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