So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
