Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I love you. Go after that dick
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
