OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
