Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
